Let me tell you what has just happened. I have criticized myself badly previously due to some of my random activities. I wonder why I did it, or at least some clues that drives my actions. But really, I don’t have the exact answer for it. I keep blaming the fault behind all of my failures is because of external conditions, and wasn’t my decisions.
Keep moving and stucking around the looping of numerous thoughts, scenario that could happen tomorrow. After I sleep, everything seems to be dark, can’t imagine how badly it will happens tomorrow. Since I made a lot of mistakes lately, I am scared to face the truth that I can’t handle all these things.
Shaking. It’s the feeling of uncertainty, and full of anxiety that is happening inside. I had tons of stories embeded at the deepest sight of my thoughts, but scare to tell people. They might again, tell that it’s exaggeration, it’s something imposible. Notably, it’s infeasible, people somehow don’t understand that’s something could happen but at the lower possibilities.
Everything has its own meaning. Including all of the emtions, I know, but sometimes it happens in an uncontrolling way. Emotional intelligence, it’s a gift and a curse. Whenever things going on, I keep using them to recognize and solve things, in a irrational way. It can good in both ways, but I have to somehow restrict how it’s moving, to not let it’s the frontdoor of my life purposes.
We both has logical inside, can’t called us human if we don’t think. Handle emotions is hard, ignore it will be much harder. Sometimes I need time to process and analyse again why I was acting like so. It might be tough but I can’t move on without the fully understanding of my emotions. Sound like doesn’t relate to the begining state “We both has logical inside…”, it is actually.
The only soud I’m hearing right now is the soud of clock tick tack and running of machines in the vicinity.